Here’s what guys are really looking for (but won’t—or can’t tell you)!
As most women have noticed, there are two types of men:
Behind curtain #1 is the type of guy who is absolutely smitten with his girlfriend — he puts her on a pedestal, treats her like a queen, and places her happiness above his own. And behind curtain #2 is the type who’s labeled as a “commitment-phobe” — he doesn’t appear to enjoy being in a relationship, acting as if his commitment is of the involuntary kind.
So, now we know commitment isn’t some sort of man allergy. What you have to do is learn how to crack his commitment code.
Easier said than done, of course, considering the average man isn’t great at communicating his emotional needs. That’s where I come in!
Here are five things guys (won’t tell you they) need before they’ll commit.
1. He needs you to desire him.
he keys to learning how to make your man happy is basic, animalistic desire. In the pit of his stomach, he needs to want you, long for you, yearn for you. He needs to miss you when you’re not around and he needs to feel a pang of lust when he hasn’t seen you for some time.
This desire is created through the play of opposites. He’ll crave you and then he catches you; he’ll miss you and then falls into you; he’ll lust for you and then you’ll surrender to him. It’s the creating and the release of tension over and over again.
The way you create this tension is through your sexuality — tease him and then give in, playfully run from him and then allow him to capture you, add levity and spontaneity to his life, give him lustful stares and then leave the room, send him sexy notes during the day, grab him and kiss him unexpectedly. In summation, use your powerful feminine qualities to contrast his serious and calculated masculine nature.
2. He needs your respect.
Respect is a cardinal virtue; it is the foundation of any relationship that endures and stands the test of time. Respect can help re-ignite a relationship long after the flame of love and lust has sputtered. Many men marry the woman who respects him, even over the woman who loves him.
Men may sleep with, talk to, and care about the woman they love (and lust), but often love only isn’t all they need.
A lot of this has to do with the term “I love you.” To a man and a woman, this term can have different meanings. A man may interpret it as “don’t hurt me” or even “you’re trapped.” Men see the love from a woman as more of a commodity than something novel.
Of course, the words make him feel good when he hears them, but they don’t sing to his soul. Men have crippling inadequacies they silently battle their entire lives.
So, figure out why you respect your man. What are you proud of him for? What can you acknowledge him for? How can you make him feel good about himself? Then, tell him. Don’t tell him merely that you love him, tell him why you love him.
Another way to express your respect is to apologize when you’ve made a mistake or said something wrong. You (and he) must make the relationship more important than individual egos. When he knows you respect his character, he will let you in deeper, exposing other tender parts of his soul where he needs healing and support.
3. He needs to feel emotionally safe.
check page 2 for more details on how he needs to feel emotionally safe