I picked one of those ’90s throwback chokers up the other day at the mall. It was totally perfect with what I had on (a floral baby doll dress and Docs, cuz what’s old is new again obvi), so I wore it out of the store. Only moments later, I started to feel really weird, and I got all flush. I needed to have sex. Like that very moment. It was practically medical. So, I just grabbed the nearest bro in the food court, took him to the bathroom next to the Wetzel’s Pretzels, and we went to pound town.
A couple hours later, I was about to get in an Uber to meet some tall guy off of Tinder when I took the necklace off. It was like a switch flipped. I was like, “What just happened…?” I started Googling to find out if anyone else had experienced the same thing.
As it turns out, by wearing a choker, you’re sending guys a secret signal that you need to bang rn. What, you didn’t know? Well, apparently, it’s long been an understanding among some dudes that women who wear chokers = total hoes. Memes all over the web aim to make bros alol at this “fact.”
Here’s the evidence, courtesy of the oh-so-helpful—and yet, thoroughly disgusting— internet.
Um, or she’s just rocking a cute throwback look?
Guessing this doesn’t have to do with being on the Paleo diet…
But, but, it’s just a pretty necklace!?!
APPARENTLY, wearing a choker makes you a slut, ladies. so WATCH. OUT.
— cb. (@colbylb) August 13, 2016
Well, looks like women are slowing starting to understand the “consequences” of their accessory choices.
If you are a girl over the age of 18 and still wear a choker then you are more than likely a slut #thetruthhurts
— Derek Sebert (@RaidrsNation9) August 18, 2016
So, you might want to add chokers to a long list of other style choices, such as red lipstick, bodycon dresses, anklets, and high heels that magically transform you from a thinking, complicated human being into an anime cartoon nympho who can’t help but give indiscriminate blow jobs!
Or dudes could try treating women like humans who happen to like ’90s style and have more to think about than dick? One can dream.